What I've Just Realized

Recently I've been having so much thoughts: of how I've been functioning, thinking, and feeling.

I think about how our society has served us with 'the idea' of so many choices and possibilities, to the point it has become overwhelming. When I browse movie recommendations on Netflix I can spend HOURS, whereas in cinemas we're limited to a few movies only. The fear of spending 2 hours on a bad movie really is the main cause for that excessive anxiety.

When thinking about graduating, the same fear appears. Perhaps I'm scared of making false decisions, scared of investing time in stuff that won't really matter in the end. Scared of many things.

I hear all the time people say that fresh graduates are still young and how we should "take our time" but I don't think I have the privilege to be young anymore. To me it's more like "hey, time's up, and from now on you have to be on your own, good bye" kind of stuff. And I'm not completely ready.

Most importantly, I feel like everyone has it all figured out but me. This is why I'm not proud of writing this post online. It makes me seem like an un-focused, un-"goal oriented", un-cool, un-derpressure, and even unreliable, compared to other people. Which perhaps I am, and which is why I really admire ambitious people who seem to know exactly why they're doing what they're doing. It dawned upon me that we should normalize 'ambis' more instead of making it as some kind of mockery at school.

(Another thing we should normalize: GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP. And no, 4 hours is not sufficient)

A few days ago, I asked my parents to tell me stories of their youth, and stories about our older relatives. I thought that learning the past generations' way of living could inspire me and uplift my spirit. 

And what I've realized is this: Life is short. Sounds very obvious, I know.

But you know, I do actually forget about that all the time. Like when I think about what other people would think of me if I do or don't do something. Or when I postpone an idea because I'm too afraid of executing it or when I'm scared of failure. Or when I overthink about lots of things instead of actually doing and experiencing and learning from trials and errors. Or when I neglect my own curiosity and creative compass in order to fit into the crowd and 'be like most adults'. 

In short, life is too short for all of that excessive thinking. There should be a balance between thinking and doing.

Perhaps they're right. We should take our time and we don't have to have it all figured out right away. What matters is that we keep doing something because that's the only way to figure life out. 

Because at the end of the day, as Peter Hastings said it, "If you want to find the needle in the haystack, sometimes you have to build the haystack."

Have a great day <3